I always had a bad habit of never listening to my mothers advice, I always wanted to do the contrary to what she told me. But lastnight opened up my eyes, I realized I have grown to be mature and listen to her advice because afterall she has always always been right about every little thing.
Isn’t it crazy how much thing change in a year? Last year we were so happy, we were spending mothers day with your mother which was so special to me, I wish I can just call her and wish her a happy day but I know its weird, cause I learned that I have to forget about the people that forgot about me as sad as that may be, I deal with it and move on with life… God knows how much I wanted to wish her a day full of hapiness like last mothers day, and that’s all that matters! I miss your family so much, I miss you so much too I even miss your dogs and cat as lame as that may be.. I miss the way you drive, I miss calling you mine, I miss speaking to you, I miss being yours, I miss the way you made love to me, I miss your body, I miss holding your arms, I miss feeling so safe by your side, I miss the way you would explain everything to me with such patience and detail, I miss YOU, I miss the person you were to me, I miss the love I loved the most…
I have to admit that after I found out you’ve been hooking up with someone I finally realized we are done for good, and since that day I haven’t really wanted to be with you as much as I did, I guess I gave up on you because I know you can give two shits about me.. The memories though they will always drive me crazy and my conscious eats me up everytime I think of how wonderful and sweet you were to me, and how much of an ungrateful bitch I was to you, I can never forgive myself for that. I don’t hate that girl at all, I’m actually happy she’s a part of your life you really really deserve someone that makes you happy and puts a smile on your face instead of tears like I did. I know she’s not all your looking for though and I know your still hurt and scared to jump into anything with her, I can see it in your face. Your eyes aren’t the same as when you were with me, you used to glow.. But I mean I’m glad you’ve moved on to someone much prettier and better in every way than me. Best of luck and I hope it lasts..
I sit and wonder when this will stop.. When the pain I feel and the emptiness in my heart will stop, when I’ll stop waiting for your text back or a simple phone call, knowing that I won’t ever get that. I poured my heart out to you in a text, that took so much for me to actually hit the ‘send’ key and was so eager to get a respond, and never getting anything back killed me so much.. Its been a week and I still wait for it, I feel pathetic I feel stupid but most importantly I feel hurt. I feel so guilty knowing that I had an amazing person by my side that was willing to do anything and everything to see a smile on my face, and I threw it all to waste, I pushed him away with all my actions and day by day I am reminded that I lost him and I will most likely never have him in my arms again… I wonder when this will end, when will the pain end..
Just a little thought…
I hate let me emphasize on the hate when people look at me like I’m some type of stupid creature for not being over my ex boyfriend.. Yeah I know its been a long time! In fact its been a little more than 7 months but you know what how about you have the guy you love and think so highly off leave you and not only have to deal with the fact you don’t have him by your side anymore but have to see his face everyday! Have to hear his name and even have to stand right there and pretend like it doesn’t kill you when all your friends are talking to him and you join the conversation to not make shit weird.. How about you fucking walk in my shoes for a whole week and then ask me why I’m not over him?! Of course I’m not, I can’t be over someone I never stopped loving, and everytime I walk by him all the memories and beautiful times we shared come running to my mind, do I want them to be there?! NO! Of course I want to be able to get over him and play it cool like he does but you know what I’m tired of hiding my feelings because I simply don’t want to be judged people are gonna do it anyways and I rather not get over someone for months than find a rebound and use them to forget about someone else.. So yeah, talk your shit I really don’t care, I love that kid with all of me, I wish all of you saw every little detail about our relationship and I’m pretty sure you won’t be over such an amazing person either
